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Ranking the happiness levels of every Premier League club

The cold nights are drawing in, hopes and dreams from those optimistic, innocent, bright summer days are long gone. Reality has bitten.

With the Premier League table still tighter than the proverbial camel’s backside in a sandstorm, with just six points separating fifth from 15th (this time last year the gap was 12 points), it’s hard to judge which clubs and which fanbases are happy with what they’ve seen so far.

A week of wins can lift you from relegation concerns to a European push, while successive defeats can take you from the Champions League places to looking downwards to the Championship. It’s temperamental.

Far more reliable than the actual league table, then, is The Athletic’s Happiness Table, in which we accurately summise each club’s xH (expected happiness) level, but without the xH bit because that’s a bit silly.

We’ll start with the smiley faces.

1. Sunderland 10/10

Sixth in the table, six victories, 22 points and dreaming of what might be possible… there are few happier fanbases in world football right now than Sunderland’s.

Remember Sunderland ‘Til I Die? The misery? The devastation? A city on its knees while its club suffered defeat after defeat? Everyone felt sorry for Sunderland.

Well, take all those emotions, flip them 180 degrees and witness the unbridled joy, the unlimited happiness and the unconstrained ecstasy they’re experiencing right now. Everyone is happy for Sunderland (except Newcastle United).

Example of happiness:

2. Arsenal 9/10

Five points clear in the Premier League, three clear in the Champions League, just one defeat in 20 games to start the season and a growing belief that, yes, this might just be their year. Might.

Even ‘only’ claiming a point at Chelsea on Sunday carried a tinge of disappointment, such has been the dominance Arsenal have exerted lately.

“I think overall I just have to be very proud of what the team has done,” manager Mikel Arteta said on Sunday.

Example of happiness

3. Chelsea 8/10

This may only be a temporary state… Chelsea’s happiness levels tend to fluctuate pretty wildly, keeping in line with the inconsistencies of the youngest team in the league.

However, with home defeats by Brighton & Hove Albion and Sunderland a distant memory, Chelsea seem happy enough for the time being, third in the table and on the back of easily beating Barcelona and seriously taking the game to Arsenal on Sunday.

Example of happiness

4. Aston Villa

From 18th in the table in late September to fourth in early December, Villa are on a roll.

It’s five wins in a row in all competitions and seven from eight in the Premier League.

Unai Emery said after they beat Wolves on Sunday: “The fans transmit positive energy and want us to be together — it helps us to connect with the supporters. It’s like our fortress.”

Example of happiness

5. Brentford

The team tipped to struggle without Thomas Frank, Bryan Mbeumo and Yoane Wissa are defying expectations.

After 13 games last year they were seventh with 20 points. After 13 games this year they’re 10th with 19 points. Not bad Brentford, not bad at all.

Example of happiness

6. Brighton & Hove Albion

Each week in the Premier League at the moment there’s a team in a lofty position that you’re quite surprised to see there.

In recent weeks that team has been Sunderland, or Crystal Palace, or Villa. Now it’s the turn of Brighton, who after three wins in four games have shot up to fifth.

“I see a team that sticks together, a team that’s working hard, a team that’s getting an understanding more and more for each other,” Fabian Hurzeler said after they beat Nottingham Forest on Sunday.

Example of happiness

7. Nottingham Forest

They may have won just two league matches since the opening day of the Premier League season and are only one point above the relegation zone, but did you see Nottingham Forest under Ange Postecoglou? Anything after that is to be cherished.

Example of happiness

8. Manchester City

We’re into mid-table territory in the happiness league with the most ‘meh’ of the current title contenders Manchester City who, despite being second in the table, haven’t convinced anyone that they’re ready to seriously challenge Arsenal.

Pep Guardiola’s broadcast press conference lasted under two minutes on Monday, which gives you an idea of his current happiness levels.

Example of happiness

9. Newcastle United

Successive league victories over Manchester City and Everton and finally ending their dreadful away form with a 4-1 romp at Hill Dickinson have seriously improved the mood at Newcastle. Eddie Howe was even spotted smiling and laughing during his latest press conference on Monday.

Oh, and everyone is happy with Malick Thiaw.

Example of happiness

10. Fulham

Three wins in four games and Fulham are suddenly looking up the table again, six points clear of relegation.

Their fans will be happily looking forward to home matches against Manchester City and Crystal Palace this week… before they remember how much they’ve paid for their tickets.

Example of happiness

11. Manchester United

They may have just become the first team to win at Selhurst Park in 13 Premier League games, they may have only lost one in their past seven in the league and they may be in the top half of the table, just a point off fifth place, but any happiness levels at Manchester United are preceded with the word ‘CAUTIOUS’ in big fat capital letters.

They’ve been burned too often in recent years to get carried away. And that bloke ain’t getting his hair cut anytime soon.

Example of happiness

12. Bournemouth

Title contenders a few weeks ago, bottom-half fodder now. Bournemouth are being typically streaky under Andoni Iraola and at the moment, after one point from four games, they ain’t too happy. It’ll turn the other way soon enough, no doubt.

Example of happiness

13. Crystal Palace

Good — ninth in the table, enjoying their first European campaign.

Bad — Oliver Glasner unhappy with no investment in the summer, his contract expires in a few months, Jean-Philippe Mateta’s future possibly in doubt, Marc Guehi on his way out before long and basically a growing sense of ‘enjoy it while it lasts’.

Example of happiness

14. Everton

Hmm. Happy at ending their Old Trafford curse last week, but hugely despondent at being thrashed by Newcastle a few days later. That’s Everton.

Example of happiness

15. Liverpool

Might have been 20th on this list a few days ago. A 2-0 win at West Ham United won’t change too much in theory, but Liverpool will hope it’s a springboard for getting their season back on track.

Arne Slot used words like “relief” and “happy” at the London Stadium as he cracked a few smiles for the first time in about two months.

Example of happiness

16. Burnley

Dropping in the league table and the happiness stakes. Scott Parker’s popularity shrinks by the week as hardy Burnley supporters dig in for a long winter.

Example of happiness

17. Leeds United

Improvements against Aston Villa and Manchester City have yielded precisely zero points and the loss at the Etihad was a heartbreaker.

No one is happy with Leeds’ form and few in the stands are happy with the manager.

Example of happiness

18. West Ham United

Shoots of progress under Nuno Espirito Santo and they’re out of the relegation zone for now, but any temporary good form on the pitch is only a tiny little plaster over the gaping wound that is the general apathy at West Ham under the current ownership.

Example of happiness

19. Wolverhampton Wanderers

It’s been seven full moons since Wolves won a league match, they’re enduring their worst start to a season in 127 years of playing league football and seemingly their only challenge now is to avoid breaking Derby County’s record low of 11 points in a Premier League campaign.

Still, good news about them going back to playing Hi Ho Silver Lining before kick-off again.

Not bottom of the list because they only lost 1-0 at the weekend, a vast improvement on recent weeks.

Example of happiness

20. Tottenham Hotspur

Whether it’s team-mates arguing at full time, team-mates ignoring the manager, the manager slating the fans, the fans booing the players or the players ignoring the fans, it’s not exactly sunshine, lollipops and rainbows at the Tottenham Hotspur Stadium right now.

Three home wins in 21 league matches will do that to you. As will charging some of the most expensive prices in the country to watch it.

It really is a shiny stadium, though.

Example of happiness



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