Yesterday, Donald Trump fired Department of Homeland Security Secretary Kristi Noem—much to the delight of late-night hosts. Noem’s departure had the jokes rolling in, with several hosts proposing possible punishments for Noem, who has faced several weeks of public scrutiny, personal scandal, and bad press.
On The Late Show, Stephen Colbert could not contain his glee. “Let’s talk about Kristi Noem getting fired!” he said as he opened his monologue. “It’s too soon to know why Kristi Noem is gone,” he noted. “Before we find out any more information about what happened I just want to say with absolute certainty: She is a domestic terrorist who deserves to go to Gitmo.”
He added, “I’m sorry, I’m being told that’s not true. But you know what, I acted on the information we had at the time.”
Colbert recounted how Trump announced the news on social media, as usual. “The current Secretary, Kristi Noem, who has served us well, and has had numerous and spectacular results (especially on the Border!), will be moving to be Special Envoy for The Shield of the Americas, our new Security Initiative in the Western Hemisphere we are announcing on Saturday in Doral, Florida,” the president wrote.
“Sounds like someone’s about to become the new FIFA Secretary of Homeland Security,” Colbert quipped. “Well, at least Noem can fall back on all her other jobs: cowboy, soldier, and village crone who tells you exactly when you’ll die.”
Jimmy Kimmel was similarly pleased on Jimmy Kimmel Live. “I think I speak for all of us when I say we wish Kristi luck in her brand new, completely made up job,” Kimmel said.
“Trump was said to be particularly unhappy with Noem’s testimony claiming that he signed off on a $220 million ad campaign that featured her in commercials wearing different outfits, rounding up immigrants, and riding a horse,” Kimmel explained. “Trump said he didn’t know anything about it even though we all knew everything about it. You know him. He doesn’t watch much television.”
He added, “You know what the funniest thing would be? The funniest thing would be if they deport her to El Salvador.”
On The Tonight Show, Jimmy Fallon announced the news to huge cheers from the audience. “You never know with Trump, he either thinks she’s bad at her job or he wants her to be the new supreme leader of Iran,” Fallon said. “Noem is the first cabinet secretary Trump has fired since returning to office. He was like, ‘Man I forgot how good this feels. Get Kash Patel in here.’”
On The Daily Show, Michael Kosta jokingly exclaimed, “Now that she’s gone the Trump administration is going to be great!”
“Don’t worry about Kristi,” he said. “She’s already got a new job that is every bit as important. Yes, the special envoy for the Shield of the Americas, Western Hemisphere division. You know it’s a promotion when the job was just invented six minutes ago using refrigerator magnets.”
Noem’s dissmissal comes after she was berated by lawmakers on Capitol Hill over a series of disastrous blunders by her department, including the killings of two American citizens by border patrol agents in Minneapolis, Minnesota, and apparent attempts by DHS to stifle investigations into the shootings. Noem has also been under fire for extravagant spending at the department, while placing restrictions on FEMA disaster relief funds.
Noem was also grilled by lawmakers about her alleged affair with temporary government employee and former Trump Campaign Manager Corey Lewandowski. In recent weeks, Lewandowski and Noem have been accused of abusing DHS resources and generally creating chaos at the department.
