April 10, 2026, 8:15 a.m. ET
As Ursula from “The Little Mermaid” once said: “Don’t underestimate the importance of body language.”
The cartoon sea witch may not have been a dating expert. But according to real relationship specialists, she’s not wrong.
Before the advent of dating apps, the only body language daters had to worry about involved their real-life interactions: How you held yourself on a date, how you approached someone at a bar. Now, experts say, body language involves much more − with “digital body language” all the more important as well.
According to Logan Ury, director of relationship science at the dating app Hinge, digital body language, or “DBL,” involves the “non-verbal subtext of online conversation.” Think emojis, punctuation, word choice, the length of messages and how quickly you do (or do not) respond.
“On a date, you can read someone’s body language to figure out if they’re into you,” Ury says. “But when you’re still in the texting phase, daters rely on DBL to read between the lines of how someone is feeling.”
And with many budding romances starting on dating apps, it’s all the more important to stay sharp on digital body language, which, like normal body language, conveys a lot of information you may not realize.
“It’s not just what you say, it’s how you show up over text,” says Amy Chan, a dating coach and the author of “Unsingle: How to Date Smarter and Create Love that Last.” “It’s about how long you take to reply, whether you put effort into your messages, if you ask questions and initiate or just react to messages. All of that creates a subtext. And that subtext is what people use to figure out how interested and invested you are.”
Digital body language can make or break a relationship
Humans are always communicating information about themselves nonverbally. It involves the way you walk into a room, the way you carry yourself, the way you do or don’t make eye contact. The genuineness of your laugh or smile. All of it, for better or worse, makes an impression.
Digital body language functions similarly. Waiting too long to reply often signals disinterest. Replying too fast may signal desperation. Keeping your messages too short conveys lack of effort. Sending a text as long as a novel − too much, too soon.
“Most people think about what they say in a message,” Chan says. “Very few think about how they say it, and how timing, emoji use and length of message can all have an impact on the person on the receiving end without you realizing it. For example, a one-word reply can signal disinterest, even if you were just busy. Taking 48 hours to respond after being clearly active on social media will signal that you’re not prioritizing someone. Always being the one to initiate creates an unspoken power imbalance that can set a precedent.”
And even if we don’t talk about digital body language much, we do notice it.
So, how can you improve your digital body language?
If digital body language is new to you, listen up. Here are tips to make sure your DBL is working for you, not against you.
- Make the first move. “Don’t wait around for the other person to text you,” Ury says.
- Reply sooner, rather than later. “When you see the message, respond,” Ury says. “You’re much more likely to get a date that way.”
- Follow up. “Don’t overthink it,” Ury says, adding that, contrary to popular belief, most Hinge users don’t care if someone double texts. “Send that second message. Don’t let some made-up rule stop you from showing you’re into someone.”
- Match their energy. “Think of it like a game of tennis,” Chan says. “There’s a back-and-forth. You do not want to be the tennis ball machine just shooting balls at someone when they aren’t even picking up a racket to indicate they want to engage. The easiest way to tell digitally: Look at the chat between you and the person you’re into. If it’s five messages you write to every one they write, that’s a clear sign you are throwing too many tennis balls.”
Of course, everyone communicates differently on these apps. Expectations will vary, and it may even be worth a discussion with your potential partner before you overthink their latest message. A mental health professional or dating coach could help you figure out how to hone your communication style, too.
But remember, Chan adds: “If you’re constantly screenshotting their texts for your friends to analyze, he’s probably not the one.”
