I understand why families are divided and friendships are disintegrating over Trump

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At his tiny, indoor inauguration, Donald J. Trump declared that he was chosen by God to lead the country. In the days since, he has provided prime fodder for atheists.

Trump’s rhetoric, manner and agenda for his second term continue to exacerbate differences many of us felt during gatherings of family and friends over the winter holidays. In these riven groups, friends and families often agreed not to discuss politics or, at worst, friends stopped talking to each other and families didn’t gather, or they excluded some family members. 

This is a sad state and one I fear may get worse before it gets better. 

Four years is a long time, and we in Santa Cruz County won’t be immune to disagreements. I offer this piece to both sides of the divide to help explain why I believe Trump has caused families and friendships to splinter.

The typical commentary on this situation argues that people should focus on their shared values and experiences and put aside politics – as if a person’s electoral choices aren’t important enough to cause such rifts. When the choices were Ronald Reagan vs. Jimmy Carter or George Bush vs. Al Gore or Barack Obama vs. Mitt Romney, that sentiment always made sense. But, as with so much about him, things are different with Trump. 

I don’t think many friendships ended or families splintered over debates about trickle-down economics, the invasion of Iraq or the Affordable Care Act. Those were policy differences and debates, mostly intellectual rather than personal or emotional. But today, it’s different. 

A person who supports Trump endorses, or at a minimum ignores or excuses, amoral, dishonest, vicious, cruel, anti-democratic and criminal behavior, both personal and official. Every day, we must endure some new cruelty based on lies and ignorance.

He might be the fairly elected president, but that does not alleviate the carnage he continues to cause among friends and families.

A Trump supporter says to their friends and families that it’s acceptable to: 

• lie constantly and without shame.
• make fun of disabled people.
• support and encourage white supremacists.
• grab women’s genitals without consent.
• attack a woman in a dressing room.
• have multiple sexual affairs while married.
• defraud the government and lenders.
• use one’s elected position to enrich oneself.
• solicit bribes.
• attempt to imprison opponents.
• dehumanize immigrants by calling them “vermin.”
• attack the free press as “the enemy of the people.”
• encourage a mob to attack police officers and elected officials.
• attempt to overturn election results.
• separate children from their parents.
• ignore the Constitution.
• demand personal loyalty from public servants.
• falsely, ignorantly and crassly assign blame for a tragic air crash while the victims’ bodies haven’t even been recovered. 

All of these actions and statements were admitted, recorded or determined by a jury after trial.  

And if the Trump supporter has friends or family who are transgender, they are saying they’re fine with taking away those friends’ and family members’ rights and denying them life-saving health care.

Santa Cruz County has many undocumented immigrants working  throughout the county, particularly in agriculture and tourism, our largest industries. Trump repeatedly says that these hard-working people – our neighbors, friends and co-workers – are subhuman criminals and must be deported. A vote for Trump endorses this view. 

In 2020, the CZU fire devastated parts of the county and destroyed most of Big Basin. We’ve now seen horrific fires in Los Angeles, with thousands of homes and businesses lost. Trump has shown no  empathy for the victims. Rather, he has used the fires only to score political points and seek revenge. Are you OK with that?

There is an active and visible gay and trans community here. These communities are already under attack by Trump. He has ordered the Department of Health and Human Services to scrub references to trans and LBGTQ health care in its research papers and websites. Trump is telling members of these communities that they do not have the right to exist, much less to express who they are. 

Do you support that?

We have a vibrant, growing free press here, with the Sentinel, Good Times, Lookout and Santa Cruz Local, among others, all keeping an eye on local leaders and their decisions. Trump likes only media that favors him. He wants the rest to shut up and not criticize or even investigate our elected leaders. If you support him, you are supporting that, too. 

For Trump, the world revolves around profit, and being rich means you get to do whatever you want, and entitles you to become richer at the expense of those poor suckers who follow the rules and try to live a life devoted to beauty and helping others. 

These are not mere policy differences. Support for Trump is a statement that a person believes that his behavior and language are acceptable, or at least unimportant.  

Many people say that we should try to talk with the Trump supporters in our lives, to bridge the gaping chasm. That is a valid goal in normal times, but is exceedingly difficult if not impossible now. Today, those conversations go nowhere because of the vast amount of misinformation and disinformation spread by Trump and his allies, primarily Fox News. 

Disrupting friendships and family gatherings and relationships is always unfortunate and should be avoided if possible. I’m afraid it cannot be avoided here until the Trump voters among us understand why friends and family might not want to be around someone who believes it is a good idea to empower this dishonest, detestable and dangerous person to affect so many lives – including those of their own friends and family.

Peter Gelblum is a retired attorney who is currently active in the American Civil Liberties Union, local politics and live theater, including Mountain Community Theater in Ben Lomond and Actors’ Theatre in Santa Cruz. He recently finished a run at MCT as Kris Kringle in “Miracle on 34th Street, the Play.” In it, Kris tells his elves that “we should always look for the good in everyone, no matter how bad that person seems to be.”  Peter is not always successful in following this great advice.