Celebrities, for all their money and power, are like little pets who belong to the public. If they don’t do something interesting, we’ll kind of prod them a little bit until they do. One way people will goad a famous person into action is by lying about their gruesome, untimely death.
Here are a few times celebrities had to clarify that they weren’t flattened at the bottom of a remote canyon…
The Rock
Cause of “Death”: Fell off a cliff in New Zealand
Proof of Life: The future presidential nominee tweeted, threateningly, “I would love to meet the person who is starting rumors of my death — to show them how a dead foot feels up their ass.”
Wayne Knight
Cause of “Death”: Nebulous Twitter rumors
Proof of Life: Sarcastic indignant tweets. He posted “Does someone have to DIE to trend? Geez! Thanks for all the love everybody. I didn’t know you cared. Glad to be breathing!” And: “Some of you will be glad to hear this, others strangely disappointed, but….I am alive and well!”
Russell Crowe
Cause of “Death”: Fell off a cliff
Proof of Life: A very Australian tweet: “Unable to answer. Fell off a mountain in Austria, all over red rover. Don’t know how I got there, but the media are never wrong. G’Bye”
Morgan Freeman
Cause of “Death”: A hoax Facebook tribute page titled “RIP Morgan Freeman”
Proof of Life: When asked about it, Freeman said, “I keep reading that I have died. I hope those stories are not true.”
Zach Braff
Cause of “Death”: “OD’d on some pills”
Proof of Life: A video from the set of Scrubs. He said, “I would never off myself with pills. If I had to do it, I would do it the way that everyone else would do it: by hitting myself with pots and pans.”
Jackie Chan
Cause of “Death”: Heart attack, car crash, fall from a 12-story building
Proof of Life: Official statement: “Today, everybody called to congratulate me on my rumored engagement. Afterward, everybody called me to see if I was alive.”
Tom Cruise
Cause of “Death”: Apparently died on the toilet, as a freak “plumming accident” occurred while he was on vacation
Proof of Life: He gave an interview to prove he wasn’t a pre-recorded hologram, saying, “I’m really alive. Did the internet get it wrong again?”
Usher
Cause of “Death”: Car crash
Proof of Life: Shirtless selfie. He tweeted, “I must’ve died and went to heaven… Alive and cold kickin’ ass!”
Abe Vigoda
Cause of “Death”: Typo. A 1982 People article referred to him as “the late Abe Vigoda.”
Proof of Life: Snarky photo. He published a picture of himself reading People in a coffin.
Murdered by Words: A contemporary said, “I’ve seen Abe in person. He only looks dead.”
Jon Bon Jovi
Cause of “Death”: Found dead in a hotel
Proof of Life: State pride. He posted a picture of himself holding a sign with the date and the message: “Heaven looks a lot like New Jersey”
Billy Crystal
Cause of “Death”: Heartfelt tweet from a fan: “BillyCrystal you were a gift my fav When Harry Met Sally…keep them Laughing in the Heaven’s”
Proof of Life: Bewildered RT. Crystal responded with a simple “?”
Paul McCartney
Cause of “Death”: Outlandish conspiracy theory. He wrote the title song to a 1985 film that, when played backward, made paranoid stoners hear “Paul is dead.” Then, of course, the “Abbey Road” album cover was packed with tiny hints that he’d been killed off and replaced.
Proof of Life: McCartney told the BBC, “If the conclusion you reach is that I’m dead, then you’re wrong, because I’m alive and living in Scotland.”
Reba McEntire
Cause of “Death”: Falling off a mountain in Austria
Proof of Life: Career goals. She posted, “There is a rumor going around that I died after falling off a mountain in Austria yesterday while shooting a movie. While I would love to be shooting a movie in Austria, I definitely did not fall off a mountain! Nor am I dead! I am alive and kicking!!!”
Macaulay Culkin
Cause of “Death”: Premature Facebook memorial page
Proof of Life: His pizza-based indie band, the Pizza Underground, posted a couple pictures of his apparent lifeless corpse being puppetted by his friends.
