Putting yourself out there always comes at a cost: you have to be vulnerable, open yourself up and risk rejection. These days it can also come with a hefty price tag.
It’s not just the cost of drinks or dinner to consider. Before you’ve even got to the awkward, age-old dance of who is going to foot the bill, you might have already forked out hundreds of pounds on a dating site to be in with the shot for a date.
What do the apps cost?
While some dating services are free, many now include tempting extra features that they claim will help you find more compatible connections, get noticed sooner and go on more dates. All for a small fee, of course. We looked at what the main ones offer.
Tinder
It is ree but you can upgrade to the paid version “for an enhanced Tinder experience”, its website says.
Tinder’s press team wouldn’t share exact figures, but told us prices start at £7 and go up to about £50 a month.
There are three subscription tiers offered at different prices: plus, gold or platinum. In 2021, the plus option ranged from £4.99 to £19.94 a month, gold was found to cost between £13.99 to £29.49, and platinum £18.14 to £36.49.
Note that different users have been charged different prices based on factors including their age, an investigation by the consumer group Which? found.
Hinge
With the regular, free version of the app, you can send eight likes a day and message someone you have matched. It claims you’ll go on at least twice as many dates with its two paid-for subscriptions.
Hinge+ costs £14.99 for a week, £24.99 for one month, £49.99 for three months and £74.99 for six months.
One week of HingeX costs £24.99, a month is £44.99, three months £89.99 and six months comes in at £129.99.
Muzz
There are more than 1.5 million monthly active users on Muzz, the marriage and dating app aimed at Muslim singles claims. About 90% don’t pay. Some opt for the gold membership to try to increase their chances of finding someone they’re compatible with. It costs £29 a month, or £69 for three months.
It takes, on average, six months for people to find a partner and leave the site. With gold membership, the average is about three months. That comes in at £69 if you buy the three-month package, or £87 if you stick to the monthly rolling plan.
Eharmony
The basic membership is free, and gets you unlimited matches, but your messaging is limited.
Eharmony wouldn’t say how much premium membership options cost, so we set up an account to get an idea. The premium light subscription is a six-month plan with a £25.99 monthly cost. Premium plus is a 12-month plan, and offers the same features, but costs £13.90 a month. Premium extra is a 24-month plan, and comes in at £9.90 a month. Our profile was offered 50% off all the above options for the first three months.
Match.com
It’s free to join and you can create a profile and access a selection of profiles without a paid-for subscription. However, you can only send and receive messages if you are a subscriber.
Match wouldn’t give the Guardian a breakdown of membership costs, but according to its website, it starts at £9.99 a month and memberships are available in three-, six- and 12-month options. On an online chatroom, one member said a six-month membership cost them about £10 a month (£59.99), whereas it is £30 for one month.
Jdate
This online dating service is aimed at Jewish singles. For one month, it costs £39.99, three months comes in at £89.97 (£29.99 a month), and six months costs £119.94 (£19.99 a month).
According to James Jones, the head of consumer affairs at the credit reference company Experian, having a clear view of what is affordable when it comes to dating apps is important.
“If you know a free app or basic version of a popular app is sufficient for your needs, then don’t feel pressurised into paying for a premium service that you might not need,” he says.
The key is being “disciplined and patient,” Jones says. “You might not find the love of your life straight away but that doesn’t mean you have to join every app and pay a fortune to get your profile out there.”
The cost of the date
Last month, a survey for NatWest found that for 43% of people in the UK, spending between £50 and £100 on a date was the norm. While Aqua, a specialist credit card provider, found that people were spending an average of £38 on a first date.
Matt, 31, from Bolton, tends to meet people on Hinge, using the free version of the app.
On the dates he’s been on, he has spent from £6 to £100, some of it on travelling to meet someone. He went for a “walk around a park and got a bite to eat” on a recent date, which he says cost about £25.
“The furthest I travelled [for a date] was to Leeds. From Manchester, a return on the train is about £30, plus going out for some food, maybe another £20 and then for some drinks, that’s probably close to £100 for that particular day,” he says.
Who pays?
Generally, Matt pays his own way, and so do the people he dates. “If we’re going out for some food, when it comes to getting the bill, most of the women I have been on dates with would say: ‘Oh no, let’s split it’ and they’ve been quite clear they were more comfortable sharing the costs.
“If we went for a drink, I’d usually offer to buy a round. I’m quite happy with that.”
Aanusha, a 33-year-old who lives in south-east England, says she “uses the free versions of all the apps”, spends £20 to £40 on a date and always goes dutch.
But Diane Gottsman, an etiquette expert, says the person who extends the invitation should offer to pay the bill. “It doesn’t matter about gender or sexual orientation, it’s about the invitation,” she says.
“If a friend suggests you meet for lunch, that means that each person pays their own way, but if you invite someone [you are dating] out to a formal occasion, a concert, or any type of event, then you would cover the cost of the tickets, the meal and the [service charge].”
If somewhere may be out of your price range, don’t suggest it, Gottsman advises. “You don’t have to go out to eat. You can say: ‘Let’s go take a hike’ or ‘let’s go to the park and have a picnic’,” she says.
One of the most important components in finding a match is financial compatibility and open communication. “It’s not about how much someone earns. There should be an understanding that if the person you are with is not able or interested in spending the same way that you are, long term, there’s probably going to be a conflict,” Gottsman adds.
Jones says: “Most people know that money in a relationship is something that many couples trip over. So you really want to start off in a good place, be kind of open and honest about the sort of aspirations around within your financial position.”
This doesn’t mean showing your bank balance, salary and credit score on a first date. But be clear if they are suggesting something you cannot afford or do not want to spend your money on.
A good way to keep costs down is incorporating dating in things you already enjoy, Jones says. “There are many ways to meet people through free or cheap clubs and events, so maybe don’t put all your eggs in one basket,” he adds.
