Liverpool are said to be ‘accelerating’ a move for Real Madrid star Rodrygo to replace Luis Diaz amid widely reported interest from Arsenal, less widely reported interest from Manchester City and presumed interest from Chelsea, because it’s Chelsea and they want all the forwards.
But they should perhaps pump the brakes after casting an eye over this truly appalling comprehensive list of honking flops who have made the move from Real Madrid to the Premier League, in order of transfer fee.
19) Christian Karambeu (Middlesbrough, £2.1m)
We’re in absolute agreement with Karambeu, who insisted his move to Teeside from Madrid was a “big, big deal” on the back of two Champions League titles in three years for Los Blancos, to go with his World Cup and European Championship winners medals with France. Boro finished 14th in his only season before Karambeu upped sticks to Olympiacos.
18) Davor Suker (Arsenal, £3.5m)
Bought as a replacement for Nicolas Anelka, who moved in the opposite direction for £22.3m, it’s fair to say Croatia’s World Cup 1998 hero wasn’t quite like-for-like, scoring just 11 goals in 39 appearances. Fortunately Arsenal also signed a certain Thierry Henry in the same summer.
17) Fernando Morientes (Liverpool, £6.3m)
He managed just 12 goals in 61 appearances and later admitted he was the “worst version of myself” during a two-year stint as Anfield which was “killing me slowly”. Yikes.
16) Jonathan Woodgate (Middlesbrough, £7m)
After two injury-ravaged seasons at the Bernabeu, Woodgate returned to fitness and form at Boro before moving to Spurs in January in 2008 and immediately becoming the second-last (yes, the second last) trophy-winning hero.
15) Njitap Geremi (Chelsea, £6.9m)
Arriving in the first cash-laden summer of the Romano Abramovich era, his always felt like a slightly odd signing after a decent but not world-beating season on loan from Madrid at Middlesbrough. After 19 starts in his debut season under Claudio Ranieri, Geremi was never more than a bit-part player under Jose Mourinho, though we’re sure he’s perfectly happy with a haul of two Premier Leagues, two League Cups and an FA Cup.
14) Rafael van der Vaart (Tottenham, £8m)
We’re not sure whether Tottenham fans will be delighted or sickened by Van der Vaart claiming the Harry Redknapp side he played in with Gareth Bale and Luka Modric was “the best team I ever played in” having left Cristiano Ronaldo, Kaka, Karim Benzema, Raul and Ruud van Nistelrooy behind him at Real Madrid.
That may well have been the peak ‘Spurs are fun but are never going to win anything’ period and Van der Vaart was a big reason for that, presumably swapping notes with Jamie O’Hara over their future roles as Tell It Like It Is pundits, colloquially known as ‘pr*cks’.
13) Esteban Granero (QPR, £9m)
He joined as one of several ‘marquee signings’ among 15 in total in that mad 2012 summer which was entirely predictably QPR’s undoing as they finished bottom of the table.
12) Claude Makelele (Chelsea, £16.8m)
Comfortably the best Premier League signing from Real Madrid, Makelele made 217 appearances for Chelsea, winning five major trophies including two Premier League titles and has one of the most enduring legacies of any footballer to play in England, with clubs now spending nine-figure sums to fill The Makelele Role, albeit for slightly more well-rounded players than the diminutive Frenchman.
11) Michael Owen (Newcastle, £16.8m)
There’s a misconception that injuries stopped Owen from reaching the Premier League heights he enjoyed before moving to Real Madrid on his return to the English top flight. But he played 29 and 28 games in consecutive seasons for Newcastle and was just a bit balls, scoring 19 goals across the two.
10) Danilo (Manchester City, £26.5m)
We would refer to Danilo as a rare misstep in the Pep Guardiola, Txiki Begiristain era in a summer in which they also signed Aymeric Laporte, Kyle Walker, Bernardo Silva and Ederson, who’ve done alright, but they somehow managed to make a £7.5m profit on the Brazilian after two years of not doing very much at all.
9) Sergio Reguilon (Tottenham, £25m)
For a famously miserly football chief, Daniel Levy does choose to spend Spurs’ money very strangely at times. He was entirely duped by five knockout games for Reguilon on loan at Sevilla to help them to the Europa League, and five years and 73 games after joining Spurs, the full-back is now without a club having left at the end of his contract.
8) Martin Odegaard (Arsenal, £30m)
Odegaard is presumably the recent example Rodrygo is hoping to mimic with his eyes on the Premier League. The playmaker was destined for great things when he signed for Madrid as a child but needed to leave to realise his potential, and while Rodrygo’s situation is different in that he’s proved he’s good enough for Real Madrid while still at Real Madrid, he will be attracted to a major role similar to Odegaard’s at a top English side.
READ MORE: Odegaard, Fernandes pondering their Premier League relevance amid Big Six transfer obsession
7) Raphael Varane (Manchester United, £40m)
We wonder whether Manchester United signing a centre-back with far more miles in his legs than his 28 years for £40m would be seen in more negative terms had it not been for his 30-year-old pal signing for £60m a year later.
6) Robinho (Manchester City, £32.5m)
Quite the 2008 deadline day for City, with Robinho arriving along with all the Abu Dhabi cash after their takeover of the club. The Brazilian announced his delight at signing for Chelsea in his first City press conference and manager Mark Hughes later claimed he believes he didn’t recognise him and was “expecting to see Sir Alex Ferguson at the airport”.
READ MORE: The most momentous transfer deadline day deals, including Arsenal and West Ham signings
5) Mateo Kovacic (Chelsea, £40m)
The ultimate close-but-no-cigar footballer in many ways as he’s never really been a key cog after leaving Inter for Real Madrid in 2015, as illustrated by him having four Champions League winners medals but not playing a single minute in the three for Real Madrid and just 10 minutes for Chelsea in 2021.
4) Mesut Ozil (Arsenal, £42.5m)
He left Arsenal with a reputation of being work-shy, but mercurial may be a better description of an absurdly talented footballer who could do astonishing things with the ball at his feet but also often went missing in games, particularly at the end of his time at the Emirates. We’re not quite sure of the definition of a ‘streets won’t forget footballer’ but Ozil was somewhere between that and world class.
3) Alvaro Morata (Chelsea, £58m)
Morata has said he “stopped enjoying football” at Chelsea and that was pretty clear to everyone watching. “I didn’t feel like doing anything, leaving home, talking to people, nothing.”
2) Casemiro (Manchester United, £60m)
There was undoubtedly an uptick in Casemiro’s performances at the end of last season, but he had set a very low bar by his standards to hobble over and we are very amused by what looks to be a reasonably decent chance of him starting the coming season at the base of Ruben Amorim’s midfield after well over a season of desperation to be rid of him.
READ MORE: Worst 10 Premier League performances this season includes three Man Utd disasters
1) Angel Di Maria (Manchester United, £59.7m)
He actually started very well, with three goals and six assists in his opening 10 Premier League games, and Amorim would bite your hand off for a forward with a goal contribution ever 126 minutes as Di Maria managed in his solitary season at Old Trafford.
But he really didn’t get on with Louis van Gaal and his wife might be the only person in the world who hates Manchester more than Mr Di Maria.
“The people are all pasty-faced, prim and proper… weird,” she said.
“They’re walking down the street and you don’t know if they’re going to kill you or what. The food’s disgusting. All the girls are all dolled up to the nines, perfectly made-up and there’s me with my hair in a bun and with no make-up on.
“We try to be closer when things go bad. I did not blame him for being there. I just told him, ‘Darling, I want to kill myself, it is already night at 14:00 p.m. in the afternoon.’”
We’re guessing she preferred Paris like her husband, who got 92 goals and 120 assists while starring for PSG.
