MISS MANNERS by Judith Martin, Nicholas Ivor Martin and Jacobina Martin
DEAR MISS MANNERS: In a historical novel I was reading, a young woman was widowed, and she was bemoaning that she would have to wear only pearls — no diamonds. Was that really a thing at one time?
GENTLE READER: Yes. Mourning, which would last at least two years for a widow, proscribed any jewelry except pearls and black onyx, with the only gold permitted being the wedding ring. Everything was supposed to be matte, so even clothing made of shiny material was not supposed to be worn. Ridiculous, you say?
Well, ridiculously exaggerated. Perhaps only in novels were ladies condemned to dowdiness in tribute to someone of whom they may have been only too delighted to be free. Now, expressing mourning though appearance has pretty much been dropped. Many people do not even wear black to funerals, much less afterwards — unless it is to weddings.
But visible mourning did serve a purpose. At the funeral, it indicated respect for the deceased. And in later stages, it warned others that the wearer’s state was possibly fragile.
As quaint as it seems, Miss Manners would think a modified version would be useful nowadays as protection against sidewalk therapists, with their unsolicited demands that the bereaved quickly achieve “closure.”
Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, gentlereader@missmanners.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.
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