Good Job is Slate’s advice column on work. Have a workplace problem big or small? Send it to Laura Helmuth and Doree Shafrir here. It’s anonymous!
Dear Good Job,
I’m a guy who works in a place that technically doesn’t have a dress code, but we try to keep things business casual.
I want to dress more gender non-conformingly. This is for several reasons: Men’s fashion (especially business wear) feels lifeless to me, I want to show the public we work with that GNC people exist and that our office is a safe place, and I honestly would feel more comfortable with that kind of self-expression. However, I’m not sure what I can get away with, since gender non-conformity is often considered “unprofessional” and a lot of the more effeminate clothes I own are more casual. I’ve started wearing more jewelry (nothing anyone would bat an eye at a cis woman wearing), but I want to up my game. Any advice?
—Here, Queer, and Want to Dress the Part
Dear Here, Queer,
Thank you so much for visibly rejecting the gender binary! Jewelry is a great place to start. It provides an opening for allies to express their support in a business-appropriate way, and to start conversations that are humanizing and go beyond work and the weather. Your co-worker: “What a lovely necklace!” You: “Thank you! I got it at the arts fair downtown. They had some really creative jewelers this year. Have you ever been?” Ask relatives if there are family heirlooms you could wear, especially something with sentimental value. Your other co-worker: “I love your brooch.” You: “Thank you! This belonged to my great-aunt, who was an engineer back in the day and campaigned for the Equal Rights Amendment.” Your ancestors will smile upon you and be glad they’re giving you strength and flair.
For clothes, consider experimenting with one dimension at a time. So if you wear a silky, flowing blouse, make it a businesslike shade of blue. If you wear a button-down shirt, play with floral patterns or bright colors. If you’re working up to wearing a skirt, consider a pair of loose, airy culottes to start. Statement shoes are another way to bring some joy to a workplace. Perhaps a scarf? Or an embroidered vest? Purses are practical as well as feminine.
Some of your co-workers might feel awkward around you at first, but most will adapt, especially as they see you feeling comfortable and natural in your evolving style. If anyone is fully committed to being a bigot, fine. Let them stew. The people who really matter are the ones who need solidarity and representation, especially right now. I hope your co-workers and the public you interact with will feel inspired to question gender norms in their own way.
—Laura
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