Do You Have a Healthy Relationship? Signs, Red Flags, and Tips

“One thing healthy relationships largely share is adaptability,” Lindsey Antin, a therapist in Berkeley, California, told Healthline. “They adapt to circumstances and the fact we’re always changing and going through different phases in life.”

Here’s a look at some other hallmarks of healthy relationships.

Partners in healthy relationships are often comfortable facing difficult conversations as well as easy-to-have conversations.

Even if your partner has a different opinion, they listen without judgment and then share their perspective.

Communication goes both ways. It’s important you also feel that they’ll voice their own concerns or thoughts as they come up.

People in non-monogamous relationships may place even more value on emotional check-ins and frequent communication about what’s happening with other partners.

Trust involves honesty and integrity. You don’t keep secrets from each other. When you’re apart, you don’t worry about them pursuing other people.

But trust goes beyond believing they won’t cheat or lie to you.

It also means you feel safe and comfortable with them and know they won’t hurt you physically or emotionally. You know they have your best interests in mind but also respect you enough to encourage you to make your own choices.

Healthy relationships are best described as interdependent. Interdependence means you rely on each other for mutual support but still maintain your identity as a unique individual.

In other words, your relationship is balanced. You know you have their approval and love, but your self-esteem doesn’t depend on them. Although you’re there for each other, you don’t depend on each other to get all of your needs met.

You still have friends and connections outside the relationship and spend time pursuing your own interests and hobbies.

Keeping curiosity in your relationship means you’re interested in their thoughts, goals, and daily life.

You want to watch them grow into their best self. You’re not fixated on who they used to be or who you think they should be.

Curiosity also means you’re willing to consider or talk about changes to your relationship structure if aspects of your existing relationship become less fulfilling.

Recognizing the need for personal space and time to separate from your partner is essential in a healthy relationship. This time may be spent relaxing solo, pursuing a hobby, or spending time with friends and family.

Although spending time together is important, setting aside time to be without your partner may also be just as advantageous.

When the mood is right, it’s important to make time for fun and spontaneity. If you can joke and laugh together, that’s a good sign.

Sometimes, life challenges or distress might affect one or both of you. This can temporarily change the tone of your relationship and make it hard to relate to each other in your usual ways.

But being able to share lighter moments that help relieve tension, even briefly, strengthens your relationship even in tough times.

Intimacy often refers to sex, but not always. As long as you’re both on the same page about getting your needs met, your relationship can still be healthy without it.

Physical intimacy might involve kissing, hugging, cuddling, and sleeping together. Whatever type of intimacy you share, physically connecting and bonding is important.

Your physical relationship is most likely healthy when you:

• feel comfortable initiating and talking about sex
• can positively handle rejection
• can discuss desires
• feel safe expressing your interest in more or less sex

Healthy intimacy also involves respecting sexual boundaries. This includes:

• not pressuring partners about sex or specific sex acts when they say no
• sharing information about other partners
• discussing sexual risk factors

A strong relationship can be considered a team. You work together and support each other, even when you don’t agree on something or have goals that aren’t exactly the same.

Even in a healthy relationship, you’ll have occasional disagreements and feel frustrated or angry with each other from time to time. However, partners who address conflict without judgment or contempt can often find a compromise or solution.

If you can talk about your differences politely, honestly, and with respect, you’re on the right track.

Your relationship should contribute to a sense of fulfillment, happiness, and connection. If you tend to feel more anxious, distressed, or unhappy around your partner, your relationship may be struggling.

Signs of unhealthy relationships can vary widely. Below are a few signs to consider.

“We are never in control of changing another person,” Antin said.

If you’re concerned about a specific behavior, you should feel comfortable enough to bring it up. It’s OK to express your feelings and ask them to consider making changes. But it’s not OK to tell them what to do or attempt to control their behavior.

If they do something that really bothers you and you can’t accept it, the relationship may not have long-term potential.

Boundaries can come into play across your relationship, from respectful communication to privacy needs.

Maybe you’ve said, “I need personal space when I get home from work. I’m happy to see you, but I need to de-stress before any physical affection.”

But they continue to come up to you right when you get home, trying to kiss you and pull you into the bedroom. When you say no, they apologize and say, “I just can’t help myself.”

If you set a boundary and they push against it or pressure you to change it, that can be a serious red flag.

Your relationship might be struggling if you consistently see less of each other without a clear reason, such as family difficulties or more responsibilities at work.

Other warning signs include feeling distant from each other or relieved when you’re not together. You might even try to find excuses to avoid spending time together.

Healthy relationships tend to be fairly well balanced. Beyond financial responsibilities, relationship equality can also relate to intangible things, such as affection, communication, and relationship expectations.

Periods of inequality can happen from time to time. One of you might temporarily lose your income, have difficulty helping with chores because of illness, or feel less affectionate due to stress or other emotional turmoil.

But if your relationship regularly feels unbalanced and your partner doesn’t try to improve, this may become problematic.

It’s not healthy to constantly criticize each other or say intentionally hurtful things, especially about personal choices, such as food, clothing, or favorite TV shows. Criticism that makes you feel ashamed or bad about yourself is generally unproductive.

Also, note how they talk about others. Your relationship with each other could seem perfectly healthy. But if they use hate speech, slurs, or make discriminatory remarks about others, consider what this behavior says about them as a person.

Maybe you don’t feel heard because they seem disinterested when you bring up a problem or share something that’s been on your mind. Or you might have a hard time sharing your opinion or talking about serious issues because you worry they’ll just brush you off.

Miscommunications can happen, of course. But if you do talk through an issue and they seem receptive but don’t make any changes or seem to have completely forgotten what you talked about by the next day, that’s also a warning sign.

If your partner responds to your different viewpoint with dismissal, contempt, or other rudeness, this often suggests they don’t respect you or your ideas.

If you feel that you need to censor what you say or feel unsafe because you worry about your partner’s reaction, consider leaving the relationship.

You may also consider seeking professional help or speaking with a trusted loved one for support.

You can reach out to the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 800-799-SAFE (7233) or visit TheHotline.org for support and resources.