When you sit around a campfire in the dead of night, exchanging your scariest, goosebump-raising stories, what do you say? Do you talk about ghosts and goblins that go bump in the night? Because me, I’d tell of the spooky experiences I’ve had speaking to men on dating apps. Did you feel those chills?
If you’re truly looking for tales of horror, you don’t even have to dip your toes into the world of the supernatural — you can just open up your Hinge or Tinder or whatever other frightening dating app you have and read off of the messages that men have sent you. I can think of three just off of the top of my head that will haunt me forever.
I don’t know if the men of the world absolutely lost their collective minds in the past four years or it has something to do with the economy, but my interactions with men on dating apps has gotten downright spooky. And sure, talking to men has always been a universally bad experience but something about them recently has taken these interactions from annoying to just shockingly awful — and not just for me. Women everywhere have been sharing some of the scarier conversations they’d have with men on the apps and it’s getting truly terrifying. We asked straight women in their 20s and 30s to share some of the spookiest things men have said to them on dating apps — UNPROMPTED! And yes, they asked for pseudonyms because no one wants to be traced back to this gross men. Readers, beware.
“I would suck your dad’s *eggplant emoji* just to get an idea of what you taste like.” – Jessica, 27
I truly have no words. JAIL.
“The darker the berry, the sweeter the juice.” – Liza, 31
1. Gross. 2. Super gross. 3. JAIL.
“I want your kitty.” – Mary, 28
What happened to “hello”? “How are you”??
“You have dick-sucking lips.” – Hannah, 26
Ah, what every woman wants to hear.
“Small booties for the win *three heart-eye emojis*.” – Jenna, 25
This might seem like an attempt at a compliment but how dare you.
“I’d impregnate you hypothetically.” – Sarah, 33
And I’ll call the cops literally.
“I’m legally obligated to inform you I’m a munch.” – Carlotta, 27
I’m legally obligated to send you to JAIL.
