I don’t typically make a habit of judging other people’s fashion choices. Heck, I spend most of my days in a graphic tee and the same pair of jeans that I wore the day before. Glass houses and all that.
Even so, while I’m no connoisseur of clothing, I know what I like and generally have a decent sense of whether someone looks good in something or not. I’d never divulge such thoughts to anyone unless they asked first, of course. Or if they were a fictional character and their opinion didn’t matter.
Just as there are many different people with many different fashion senses, so too are there many different video game characters with their own ideas of what they look good in. Whether they’re heroes or villains, they choose to get out of bed that morning and dress themselves in a particular manner, and I just can’t help but be a little bit judgmental about such choices.
9
Benny
Fallout: New Vegas
In the post-apocalyptic world of Fallout: New Vegas, fashion isn’t really at the forefront of anyone’s thoughts. You wear what covers you, and if it can stop a bullet, all the better. However, in his efforts to properly civilize his city of New Vegas, Mr. House gave the Three Families their own unique outfits from the pre-war days. For the Chairmen faction, these consist of suits and wingtip shoes. It’s a harmless look, and honestly, I’m a fan of pinstripes. The faction’s leader, Benny, however, got a little carried away with himself.
Benny’s signature outfit consists of tan pants, a white shirt, and an extremely loud checkerboard jacket. According to supplementary materials, Benny was the only member of the nomadic tribe that would become the Chairmen who wanted to work for Mr. House, killing their previous leader to take charge. I guess it tracks that, after putting in the work to usurp power, he’d pick the most distinctive look for himself, for better or worse.
Amusingly, after Benny dies either at your hands or someone else’s, various New Vegas residents will comment on his passing, with several saying that despite his duplicitous ways, the worst crime he ever committed was wearing that jacket.
8
Team Flare
Pokémon X&Y
The majority of evil teams throughout the Pokémon franchise have some kind of ethos that propels them forward, which in turn informs their choice of coordinated outfit. Team Rocket are old-school criminals dressed in black, Team Galactic is nuts for space and dress like weird future people, and so on. Most of these outfits are… fine, but out of all of them, the ones I have to question are, ironically, the ones that are supposed to be the most fashion-forward: Team Flare.
Team Flare’s whole shtick is that they want to use the power of the ancient weapon alongside Xerneas/Yveltal to destroy the world, so they can remake it to be “beautiful.” I guess their standard for beauty is an off-brand version of whatever Lysandre happens to be wearing, because the majority of the group’s members dress in searingly-bright red suits with hater-blocker shades and little fiery red hairstyles.
Team Flare’s lead scientists are equally fashion-challenged, each sporting a bright red leotard with either short shorts or an aggressively-flared skirt. About the only member of the group with any real fashion sense is Malva, and frankly, she’s pushing it with those diamond-pattern pants.
7
Jasper Batt Jr.
No More Heroes 2
Someone told me once that the richer you get, the less you care about what people think of you. I don’t know how true that is, especially these days, but I can definitely believe that exceptionally wealthy and powerful individuals can feel empowered to at least wear what they want. Case in point, the final boss of No More Heroes 2, Jasper Batt Jr., came to work in… that.
This diminutive CEO does his business in a puke-green suit and gloves with an electric pink shirt and shoes underneath, plus an equally pink pair of granny glasses. This is already pretty offensive to my sensibilities, but it only gets worse as the fight goes on. After Travis knocks him out of his flying car, Batt injects himself with drugs to transform into a hulking brute dressed in a striped green and purple wrestler’s outfit, complete with purple gloves and boots and a dark cape.
In the fight’s final phase, Batt inexplicably transforms into a giant mascot version of himself with what I can only call “Hamburgler aesthetic.” It’s so upsetting, Henry literally leaves Travis to fight it alone, saying he “can’t be associated with that travesty.”
6
Seymour Guado
Final Fantasy X
Final Fantasy X is a veritable grab bag of fashion disasters, from Tidus’ bizarre overalls-hoodie combo to Lulu’s dress made entirely of loose belts. Honestly, though, I got used to all the weird protagonist fits after a while. The one character whom I always have to cock my head at is the game’s secondary antagonist, the irritatingly persistent Seymour Guado.
Seymour is a Maester, a high priest in the faith of Yevon. I would assume this is why he wears oversized ceremonial robes with a neckline that plunges deeper than the Mariana Trench. However, we see several other Maesters throughout the game, and they’re all wearing completely normal monastery robes, so I guess Seymour’s attire has nothing to do with his position. He just likes to flash his chest at people.
Of course, we can’t talk about Seymour without touching on that hair. Now, in fairness, the Guado people all have distinctive hair. They’re forest folk, so most of their hairdos resemble twisting roots and branches. Seymour, though, has his hair shaped into a pair of gigantic horns that go all the way down to the bottom of his back. I don’t know what notion is worse, having to sleep with those things every night, or dunking your head in a vat of hair gel every morning to get them like that.
5
Magilou
Tales Of Berseria
If we’re talking about bizarre outfits in Tales of Berseria, the first fit you’d probably think of is Velvet’s shredded top and short shorts. However, it’s important to remember that Velvet only wears this because she grabbed some random scraps out of a box, as she was literally too pissed off about everything to care about how she looked. On the other hand, her companion Magilou dresses the way she does on purpose, and I’d say that’s more noteworthy.
In contrast to the rest of the main party’s relatively consistent fantasy attire, Magilou dresses like a stereotypical court jester, with a diamond-patterned leotard, pointy sleeves and boots, a fur wrap around her neck, and a gigantic, floppy witch’s hat.
The most distinctive part of this look is her skirt, which is made up of several bound books. You may expect these to be magical grimoires at least, but in a skit with Laphicet, she reveals that these books are much more mundane. One is her personal ledger, one is a magic encyclopedia she uses for oil blotting paper, one is a book of Bienfu’s poetry she uses for flower pressing, and one is a pop-up book. She also claims the book on the front is actually layer cake, which means she probably made all of that up.
4
Shinnok
Mortal Kombat Series
Maybe it isn’t fair to judge a godly being’s choice of attire based on mortal standards. They exist on a plane beyond our own, beyond such frivolous things. Of course, Mortal Kombat’s Shinnok is a huge jerk, so I’ll judge his fit as much as I please. He certainly gives me plenty to work with in that department throughout the series.
In his first playable appearance in Mortal Kombat 4, Shinnok sports a skintight bodysuit with armor plating on top, as well as a hood with a bishop-like notch. Pretty doofy, but it’s acceptably ostentatious for his position. He wears a modern version of this outfit in Mortal Kombat X before being sealed away by Johnny Cage.
Following his revival by D’vorah, though, his fit changed significantly. He’s swapped the bodysuit out for striped pants, a deep-vee vest with waist tassels, and an altered hood that both covers his neck and curves upward into beetle-like horns. I guess he got bored with his look while he was sealed away and wanted to try to make a splash whenever someone let him out.
3
Tingle
The Legend Of Zelda: Majora’s Mask
I’ve heard it said that you should dress for the job you want to have, which is usually just a roundabout way of saying “wear a fancy suit, and you’ll somehow become an executive.” I get the impression that The Legend of Zelda’s Tingle once heard that advice without actually knowing what it meant. It would certainly explain why he prances about Termina in Majora’s Mask in a green leotard and red underoos.
Tingle is, by his own admission, a big fan of fairies, apparently believing himself to be either a reincarnated fairy himself or a descendant of fairy folk like the Kokiri. The association with the forest and fae folk, to him, is best exemplified by his green-and-red ensemble, which he wears with great pride despite his parents’ vocal misgivings.
Incidentally, I have no idea if the little point on top of his head is a conical hat he’s wearing under his hood, or he just has a really pointy head. I could see it either way, though Tingle does strike me as the kind of guy who’d be into conical hats.
2
David
Killer Is Dead
Speaking of dressing for the job you want, what kind of outfit would you wear if you were crowned a king? Maybe a noble, flowing robe, some ornate accessories, and a crown on top? That would make sense, though presumably you’d wear a regular shirt and pants underneath all of that. The main antagonist of Killer is Dead, David, doesn’t see a need for that second part, I guess.
When Mondo confronts David in his opulent mansion on the moon, David is dressed as what I can best describe as the world’s wealthiest bondage enthusiast. He’s covered head-to-toe in golden bands, including a very distracting codpiece, topped off by a jagged golden crown and a large black robe that appears to have gold plating on the inside.
While Mondo fights him, David whips off the robe, leaving him virtually nude save for all the gold bands, which may or may not be a deliberate distraction strategy. Mercifully, in the game’s final boss fight, he switches to a normal business suit that mirrors Mondo’s. Honestly, if a king dressed like that, I think I’d be more inclined to take him seriously.
1
Voldo
Soulcalibur Series
The Soulcalibur series is home to its fair share of fashion faux-pas, from Maxi’s weird pirate Elvis vest to Astaroth’s questionable head accessories. Let me ask you this, though: have you ever heard someone say that someone else looks like they dressed themselves in the dark? Well, not only does series mainstay Voldo literally live in a pitch-black hole in the ground, he is also blind. On every conceivable level, Voldo dresses himself in the dark, and boy howdy, does it show.
In every one of his appearances, Voldo’s various outfits can be broadly sorted into two categories: weirdly opulent and just plain upsetting. His very first appearance in Soul Blade had him dressed in full body leather and fishnets, as well as thick leather bands covering his mouth and eyes. His primary outfits in each subsequent game follow this theming, usually involving copious leather bands and some manner of mask, blinds, or goggles. Don’t even get me started on his weird bee-fuzz variant in Soulcalibur V.
That’s the upsetting category. The weirdly opulent category, usually reserved for his secondary outfits, are made up of flowy, harlequin-esque getups, usually complete with ornate, full-face masks. It’s still kind of upsetting, just… a different flavor of upsetting.
