We’re here for another installment of “Ask Dating Coach Erika,” where people anonymously share their burning dating questions.
Question: Advice on wanting to give up dating completely. The apps are awful!
Answer: I’m not sure I have enough time or energy to answer this question. Every day, at least three people say to me: “I hate the apps.” “The apps are awful.” “There’s no one good.” I’m tired.
That’s just simply not true. I certainly don’t want to invalidate your experience, but do you truly think you have done everything in your power to make the apps work for you? Have you messaged people every single day? Have you given it enough time? Is your profile everything it could be? Have you left no stone unturned in every dating app that you’re on? Be honest.
Yes, some people are awful. No denying that. In fact, many people are awful. And the apps do allow for a certain sense of anonymity, making people’s behaviors worse because there is seemingly no recourse. You have to wade through a lot of muck to get to the good stuff sometimes.
If you don’t want to date, I fully support and respect that! Single is a wonderful choice. But the apps are not awful. Some people are awful. And you might not be using the apps the way you should.
Question: He says he cares about me but then says he doesn’t want any labels. I’m confused.
Answer: He likes you but does not want to be in a relationship with you. We have to listen to his words, and the relevant words here are that he doesn’t want to label whatever you are. He gets the girlfriend treatment from you without having to say that he has a girlfriend. It’s up to you to decide how much, if anything, you want to put in, knowing that you will ultimately not get what you want.
(Erika Ettin is the founder of A Little Nudge, where she helps others navigate the often intimidating world of online dating. Want to connect with Erika? Join her newsletter, eepurl.com/dpHcH for updates and tips.)
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